I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
