i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
