Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
