I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
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I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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