Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
What drink are we having for lunch?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
