I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
