The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
