I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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