dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
