So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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