i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
