I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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