True but thats because hes a fetus.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
