And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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