There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
