if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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