I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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