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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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