I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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