i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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