You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
