i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
