Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize