I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
