im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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