when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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