i think my mom watched the whole time
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
