I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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