I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Randomize
