Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
