we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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