You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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