i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
