PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
