I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
