Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
