Soap is not a condiment
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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