I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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