and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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