I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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