so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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