I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
