I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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