At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I could make wine with my vomit
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
