you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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