i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
