I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
