Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
