yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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