dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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