Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
