even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
