I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
