Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
