god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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