Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed