tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate