And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
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Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.