living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?