I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it