i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.