your room smells of hookers.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
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He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
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Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.