Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
There's always time for handjobs
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.