I'm lost and stupid without you.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
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