Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
