I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
