Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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