Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
