Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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