Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
