the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Enjoy the penises
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
