he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
